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Read the original article: Manifestation Magic

How not to have your spine shrivel up on you?

You look around. Everyone seems to have it better than you. They laugh, they hug, they walk hand in hand, kiss… or have friends who like them… but you? If feels like you have no one, no one cares about you, no one responds well to you… You are not getting enough “strokes”… from others.

A “stroke” (in Transactional Analysis) is a unit of social transaction. A hug. A nod. A smile. A hello, a thank you, a “how are you?”, or an f… you…. these are all social transactions. The more strokes you get the less your spine will shrivel up on you…

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OK, I am getting emails asking if I am OK… this is what you get when people expect to hear from you every day…

Am I OK? I don’t feel OK.

But, of course, nothing is going on in reality… I am still doing work, I still read, eat, walk, talk to people… I just don’t have an article in me. So consider this a chat… not an article.

What happened?

The Playground, the year long process of emptying your past of “wrong” is what happened. lol.

Leading a program authentically, makes you walk with your students. Not ahead them, not behind them, with them. Continue reading →

The Outcome Is Not Pretty. You Are Trying. You Fail. What’s Going On?

Your Troubles Are Repeating Themselves. your life is scripted. different locales, different characters, but it is the same repeating story. You Are Living Out A Script… The Outcome Is Not Pretty. You Are Trying. You Fail. What’s Going On?

I would dare to say, that repeating a script that only brings you trouble, pain, guilt, shame is the opposite of emotional intelligence.

• The first “modality” for “emotional intelligence” I encountered was beating. By my mother, occasionally by my father.
• The second modality I encountered was psychotherapy, by a psychiatrist, who, after two years of therapy, decided that sleeping with me is more fun. I was 16 at the time.

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You can only control what belongs to you… Your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions don’t belong to you. Your actions, your attitude, what you actually heed, what you say… they do belong to you.

They are interestingly difficult to see… they are hidden from your view, overcrowded by noise.

We call these here: invisible dynamics. They are tiny machines, their behavior is predictable, manageable, and their effect on your life are detrimental. Continue reading →

What do I mean too late? I mean this: The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken

This saying sounds like the god honest truth, doesn’t it? But when I muscle test, it is only 20% true…

Why is the truth value of something universally accepted as truth?

It is true, because it takes effort and intention and commitment to break bad habits. And we, humans, are not very motivated to change any habit, let alone a habit that gets us pleasure… in another name, payoffs. But when people can see, when people can own that they pay with their lives, a lot more people are interested and are willing to make efforts…

The biggest hindrance is the goodies… What goodies? you ask. Continue reading →

I would never have thought of asking this question prior to reading Margoczi’s books, Feelings and Words a few years ago.

The truth value of those books is about 40%… more for reasons of omission than for reasons of false teaching.

I have learned in Landmark Education that regret, remorse, resentment, the “infamous” three R’s are useless, and harmful.

I dare to differ.

• They may be useless if you are unwilling to take responsibility for what they are signaling.
• They may be useless or harmful if you make them your mood for life… pretending that you are a victim… you were never a victim, although you may have had abuse, misuse, or failures in your life.

What makes you a victim (also called an effect) is the unwillingness to take responsibility for what belongs to you…

That unwillingness to take responsibility is what triggers more abuse, make you go back for more abuse. This is what fuels the invisible dynamic we call “the racket”.

I watched this video on youtube this morning and had an intense feeling of regret. My eyes teared up. I have been guilty of judgment, the black and white judgment the video talks about. The regret was, is guiding me to be mindful of how unfair and unjust judging is… I see that it is often more harmful to me, the judger, than to the other person, the judged. It makes me, the judger, hate myself. Punish myself. Feel disgust for myself. A disproportionately high price to pay for a moment of glee… when I judge.

Very useful. I can now use that feeling, regret, as a guidance… thank you. One more tool in my toolbox to walk the strait and narrow.

Here is another one: I finally lost a front upper tooth. It has been misbehaving for about 50 years: 50 years ago I fell on my face at a New Year’s party and two front teeth got chipped. I laughed covering my face for weeks after that. A crown… and no more gap-tooth smile… But for the past ten years that tooth was wiggling… and finally it decided to let go. 🙁

Now, in my 70’s: I can’t see how I am going to have it filled in with a fake tooth… so, at least for a while, I will have to be seen as a person who can’t or won’t get their smile fixed. And I smile an awful lot… I was thinking of taping my mouth for my public appearances, like I tape it for sleeping… lol.

Will I? We’ll see in a few hours: it is Tuesday, it is group exercise time… And the guiding feeling is fear.

I know this fear. Fearing what others will say about me… just like I say about them.

I have been different all my life, a square peg not fitting the round hole… but now I am going to be a damaged square peg… Can I handle society’s disgust, judgment of me? Am I OK with me, missing tooth and all?

It’s decision time. In this decision I will either strengthen who I am, or weaken it. The Self…

Here is how I see it: I am OK with being different from others, but that doesn’t excuse me from being in harmony with life, do what works, and do little or none of the things that don’t… even if everybody does it around me. So can I be in harmony with life with missing a front tooth?

So as I promised I went to my exercise class… and I was OK. The interesting thing was: nobody said anything. They averted their glances from my mouth… just like people weren’t even opening my article that asked them, yesterday: are you weak?. Or my invitation to a chat about what prevents them from wanting to have win-win communication with their family.

I think that in today’s age, with today’s humanity, no one has to worry about what other people think of you… they don’t think of you. They only think of themselves. (if this is familiar, it is straight out of The Fountainhead… lol)

I have been looking for guidance, living by some guidance all my life… it is not easy to distinguish if a nudge is a guidance or a push off the cliff.

Today’s humanity, YOU, are taught to heed the push off the cliff… Not the guidance push.

You may want to grow some balls.

How do you do that? The way you grow anything: from a seed, slowly, patiently, committedly.

Do I teach that? I do teach that… Where? What course?

In the Playground… In the Instant Coherence course… in the Carrot and Stick… I have 26 courses…

OK, confession time: In the courses themselves I teach you what to do, how to do it, but that is not enough. That is why all my courses come with an email coaching contract, where we talk, one on one, in email… I often talk audio back… People find that hearing my voice makes the communication cut through your bullsh*t.

Because what is in the way is your bullsh*t… nothing else.

What is your bullsh*t you ask? Your propensity to look away when what you see is not pleasant… like the other people in my exercise class… lol. not funny.

Read the original article: What are guiding feelings vs. emotions? Are you guided to look away? Run?

Motivation… it is either a stick or a carrot…

And it is either an inside job, or an outside job.

I am more motivated, more nudged on to do a move, to do something, to make a change in behavior by the stick than by the carrot… the inside stick…

Most carrots promise you some goodies… goodies you don’t already have, or more of what you already have. But human preference is not in that direction. No matter how trapped you are in desire, wanting, being induced to doing anything for what you want is really rare, unless it is for instant gratification. [note]Here are a few things to read if you are interested in addictive pleasure seeking behavior:
addicted-brain pdf 
Atomic habits… a book [/note]

The stick promises to take something away. Life, goodies, love, self-love, comforting lies about yourself. And that is the main motivation to take action for people. The threat, the “promise” of loss. Continue reading →

Intelligence is being able to tell that difference. It begins there.

If you can’t tell the difference, then you will make the same collapsing move everywhere, and you are the person about whom the saying goes: for you everything is the same as everything else… except that not always. Not a compliment. [note]In essence you will be the guy who cannot tell their ass from their elbow. In my experience you’ll be always angry, or sad, or disappointed, or feel slighted, not loved, lonely, deprived, bored, trying, attacked… the billions of moves that keep you unhappy… unfulfilled… living a subhuman life.[/note]

No distinction? No intelligence.

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